The Pop Culture Mystery Men

We have had many wonderful entries these past two weeks about the people we would trust to save the world, and for the final entry of this series, I thought I would go in a different direction by assembling a crack team of heroes to save the day. I thought that was especially fitting, seeing as this is a collaborative blog, and thus

To Paraphrase the movie, Mystery Men, these aren’t the most traditional choices for heroes, these are the other guys. And since the Mystery Men were composed of 6 men and one woman, I have followed the same format.

So here are my Pop Culture Mystery Men:

Sgt Nicholas Angel from Hot Fuzz: A man of great dedication and training, with the kind of mind that won’t allow him to overlook crime and corruption. He is a man who not only convinced a group of veteran police officers not to arrest him, but in a rousing speech, got them to be on his side. Did I mention he beat up James Bond, blew up The Equalizer and had a hand in the wounding of both Belloc from Raiders of the Lost Ark and Don Rafael Montero from The Mask of Zorro. And he looked really at home jumping through the air whilest firing two guns and generally tearing down an oppressive regime in total action movie style.

Willow Ufgood from Willow: Here we have a character who is eclipsed by the creations of both George Lucas AND Tolkien. And yet this diminutive wizard want to be showed courage and guile and in doing so, he saved the world while protecting a red headed child.What makes this even more impressive is he did so at great personal expense, because while he was gone, the malignant Burglekutt was plotting to take over his land. But he still did the right thing. That takes character, and you sort of need someone with that kind of gumption on a team. And he was someone, like Kevin Arnold, who learned a lot during his short journey into life  (no pun intended).

Brock Samson from The Venture Brothers: The Swedish Murder Machine? Why would you not want someone who is good with the ladies and can face down almost anything. I mean, the dude killed Hitler. Granted, he was in the body of a dog, but come on, how awesome is that? And like MacGuyver, he doesn’t use a gun, but after seeing him in hand to hand combat, both with his bare hands and a knife, he really doesn’t need one.

Xena from, well, Xena: An expert swordswoman. Check. A reformed villain who is trying to do right now. Double Check. Bested the gods, especially the God of War on numerous occasions? You know it! Bruce Campbell played second fiddle to her. She is so cool that an Old Spice man was her occasional comic foil. That is awesomeness indeed.

Gene from God Hand: Dissed by Capcom, a some impressive names in the game reviewing industry and even some players, Gene has earned his place in this collective. First, the dude used the devil’s face as a speed bag. And I am not talking a man-sized devil here… I am talking a mammoth edifice of evil. I mean, the guy has the arm of a God and he puts to to good use destroying demons in highly entertaining ways, and he knows so much kung fu, he could take Chuck Norris in a fight. Yeah, I said it. He is also the guy in the group who is going to spout the one liners, and every group needs one of those.

The Thing from The Fantastic Four: Yes, he had his own comic in the 1980′s for a couple of years, but really, who didn’t. Hell, I think I might have been a character in a one off in 1985 myself. He doesn’t get the recognition that a lot of the other Marvel characters get. Spiderman, Iron Man and the X-Men get all the love in filmic form and all Ben Grimm gets is a trenchcoat and a hat. Well, at least we know he is good in a team. And what mortal man wouldn’t quake a little bit if he said “It’s Clobberin’ Time” in their general vicinity.

And leading it all up is Samuel Vimes of Discworld fame. This is a man who took a small contingent of loyal men doing a job that no one respected and through his hard nosed approach and serious dedication to the city, turned that force into the largest and most diverse law enforcement organization in the world. He has experience leading a disparate group of men, dwarves and other strange and fascinating creatures which reminds me of another hero that has been mentioned, Kermit the Frog. And like Sgt Angel, he can’t just let an unexplained crime rest, even if it upsets the balance of the city. He married into money, but he doesn’t want to have anything to do with it, and through the years, he has gained an impressive set of titles, but in the end, he just wants to be a cop. Not to mention the fact that his career is filled with events which would make any comic book hero proud.

Now, my question to you is, who would you put on your team of Mystery Men?