RIP Firefly: September 2002 – December 2002

When the idea of writing about cancellations was first suggested here at the Coalition of Awesomeness’ virtual office I leapt forward to bagsy the TV show Firefly before anyone else did. And I must admit I felt very smug among the howls of dismay and jealousy from my coalition colleagues that I had beaten them to the prize. I think Lee may have even called me a rude name.

If you’ve never come across Firefly before it was a sort of sci-fi western created by writer and director Joss Whedon – he of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fame. It ran in 2002 on FOX for only eleven of the fourteen produced episodes before it got canceled, although here in the UK we got to see all fourteen episodes on the Sci-Fi Channel – and in the right order too.

Thinking about it though, if you haven’t come across Firefly before you are very possibly reading the wrong blog. It’s status as the most unjustifiably canceled TV show of all time is almost legendary, and its fan base so dedicated and loyal that they were able to spur a follow up feature film, Serenity, in 2005.

But there is the problem. It’s all very well stealing the topic of Firefly’s cancellation from under the noses of the rest of the Coalition, but now I find myself burdened by a huge responsibility. Just how am I going to convey the vast stupidity of the TV executives at FOX for canceling what is arguably the greatest TV show ever made.

What’s worse is that there has been an agreement made here at the Coalition that we are going to avoid swearing and foul language in our posts. How on earth I’m going to portray my anger and frustration without responding to some pretty vivid anglo saxon words is beyond me.

My only recourse is to resort to using language created by my three year old son to express his displeasure. So, FOX executives, you are a bunch of Ponkipines and Pineapple heads. What’s more you smell of cheesy feet.

Kapow! Take that you corporate swine! They’ll be smarting for days after that little roasting I shouldn’t wonder!

So why was Firefly so good? Well if you allow me to engage in a little needless controversy I’ll tell you.

Mal out-Han-Solo’s Han Solo

The character of Malcolm ‘Mal’ Reynolds resembles Han so closely that it surely can’t be a coincidence. Captain of a spaceship, smuggler, non conformist, reluctant hero, wry wit, propensity to wear waistcoats, and a gratifying inclination to shoot first.

Yet, as wonderful a character as Han is, Mal seems to do it all better. Perhaps it’s because over fourteen episodes we had more time to get to know him. Or maybe it’s because Mal didn’t have a whiny farmboy dogging his footsteps and bringing everything down. But whatever the reason, Mal is a better Han than Han is, and that’s all there is to it.

Kaylee out-Scotty’s Scotty

Yes yes, Scotty is a great character. But for quirky charming engineers you’ll be hard pressed to beat Kaylee Frye. Sweet, sparky, and jam packed with character. And she knows her onions too – there isn’t a mechanical problem she can’t handle with an elastic band and two lengths of drainpipe. None of this “dilithium crystal” rubbish.

Plus, would Scotty ever bemoan his lack of a love life by complaining “Goin’ on a year now I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries”. No. No he would not (at least I really hope he wouldn’t).

Wash out-Chandler’s Chandler

Want a loveable, wise cracking, slightly geeky, male hero who isn’t swimming in unnecessary testosterone? Then Hoban “Wash” Washburn is your man. I can’t actually recall if he wore Hawaiian shirts in the show, but if he didn’t then he should have. I love Wash. I want to be Wash.

Well, up to a point. I’m not all that keen on being Wash at the end of the movie Serenity, but other than that he’s pretty much one of my role models. Him and Brody from Mallrats. Oh, and Ferb from Phineas and Ferb.

Zoe out Ivanova’s Ivanova

I know she’s a fan favorite, but there was something that always annoyed me about Susan Ivanova from Babylon 5. Maybe it’s because every single thing she ever did had to contain some reference to her being Russian. Yes, yes we get it. You have an interesting and stoic ethnic background. You can shut up about it now. You don’t hear Chekov going on about it all the time and he even had the silly accent too.

No, if I want a strong amazonian second in command who isn’t above kicking a little arse then give me Zoe Washburne any day of the week. Plus she lets her husband play with toy dinosaurs. An admirable trait in any woman.

River out-Murdock’s Mudock

You want “howling mad”? We’ll give you howling mad! Yeah Murdock can fly helicopters and escape from psychiatric institutions. But so what. River Tam can rip out your liver through your nostrils. I know who I’d rather have on my team.

A cross between Alanis Morrisette and Bruce Lee, with more than a healthy dose of Delirium from Sandman. River Tam is a fantastic character who epitamises the term “whimsical in the brainpan”.

Inara out-Troi’s Troi

Ok, you may have noticed these are getting more and more tenuous, but hear me out.

Deanna Troi’s function on Star Trek the Next Generation was to be a feminine and rational influence on proceedings, with a very high level of emotional intelligence. This is precisely the role of Inara Serra in firefly. Except Inara is significantly more attractive than Troi. Oh, and she’s a high class prostitute rather than a counsellor. Saying that however Troi did flip between Ryker and Worf a fair old bit, the brazen hussy.

Book out-Friar-Tuck’s Friar Tuck

Friar Tuck may have had a quarterstaff to bean people on the head with, but Shepherd Book has all sorts of bad ass skills from his days as some sort of black-ops intelligence officer guy.

Of all the character’s in Firefly, Book was the one most shafted by it’s cancellation. His dark and mysterious back story was obviously a plot arc just waiting to happen and the premature ending of the show left all that hanging. And, unlike with River Tam’s story, the movie didn’t help the situation at all. Poor old Book, I’d have loved to got to know you better. The coolest preacher since Jesse Custer.

Simon out-House’s House

OK I admit it, Simon doesn’t out-House House. He doesn’t even come close. Nor does he approach any other doctor in popular culture either. Not even the guys from Diagnosis Murder.

Simon Tam is by far Firefly’s weakest point in my opinion. A dull, whiney, bland character who bores me far too much to summon up the energy to even dislike him.

Dull, dull, dull dull. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Jayne is just Jayne

I’ve saved the best until last.

Jayne doesn’t out-[blank] anyone, because he’s just too god damn good to even be compared to anyone else. The only character that comes near is Chuck’s John Casey – who is non-coincidentally played by the same actor, Adam Baldwin.

Man I love Jayne. I love the ambiguity of the character. Is he a thug with a heart of gold, or is he just a thug? We never really find out. There’s no black or white with Jayne, only shades of gray. Oh and some of the funniest damn lines in the history of television, don’t forget those.

I may want to be Wash, but I want to watch Jayne. He’s the finest character Whedon ever created – and that’s really saying something.

So there you go. Seven reasons why Firefly should never have been canceled, and one exception that proves the rule. And I haven’t even talked about the glorious mixing of western and sci-fi genres. Or the fascinating political concepts the show explored. Or even the outstanding quality of the stories and dialogue. It was all absolutely stunning, and I loved ever second of those woefully short fourteen episodes.

Firefly was one of the few sci-fi series for which I got in on the ground floor. There was no recommendations, no word of mouth. We just saw the pilot was on, flipped the channel, gave it a go, and were instantly hooked.

And then it was canceled, which at the time felt like the ultimate betrayal. It still does if I’m honest.

But then again at least it never had the chance to slide into mediocracy like Buffy, or tie itself in convoluted knots like X-Files, or kill one of my favorite characters like…

Oh, wait. Never mind.