I am rubbish at computer games. I mean really really rubbish.
It doesn’t matter what the genre: sports, beat-em-up, first person shooter, sim, or real time strategy; I’m dreadful at them all. My unique combination of poor attention span, lack of tactical thinking, and complete absence of hand eye co-ordination mean that I am genetically tailored to die three minutes into the first level. On easy setting. In a game aimed at 5-8 year old girls.
Yes, it’s true. I can’t get past the the end of level stepmother on Disney Princesses and the Magical Unicorn (damn those poison apple bombs).
It’s not that I don’t want to be good at them. I do, almost desperately. I am a proud card carrying geek, and my lack of ability in computer games is a source of shame to me. I feel like a five year old who doesn’t like ice cream, or a Starfleet officer who is unable to portray smug self-satisfaction. In short, there is something missing.
However all’s not lost. There’s a small glimmer of hope that I cling to in my darkest hours.
I have completed Halo.
Sure it was on the easy setting. And sure I had to resort to the internet on a couple of occasions in order to guide me through particularly tricky bits (three hours solid of repeatedly banging into walls trying to find an exit has the tendency to make you redefine your moral code on cheating).
But I finished it. Hurrah!
And up until very recently it was the first and only game I’d ever completed. But then I went and bought myself a Xbox 360 and managed to finish Halo 3 as well. Double hurrah!
I’m not sure what it is about the Halo series that enabled me to finish them. I don’t think they are particularly easier than any of the other games I’ve played. I suspect it’s the fact that they have a relatively shallow learning curve combined with excellent gameplay and a engaging storyline that held my interest long enough for me to bludgeon my brain into developing some aptitude for it.
I even briefly considered trying a bit of Halo online multiplayer action. But I decided against it. The small sheds of self esteem I’ve managed to scrape together are too important to risk loosing to some eight year old in Ohio called l0RdKiCkBuTt.
Unfortunately my adventures on Halo are now over as my 360 is long gone now. I had three red rings of death in a row and so gave up on it (Never again Microsoft. Never again. You are dead to me). So I’ll never find out if I’d be able to complete the trinity and finish Halo 2 as well. But despite my frustrations with the console I’ll always be grateful to it for my brief moments of triumph.
I’ve never even played Halo.
It’s bizarre but I’ve never had an xBox and I don’t think that it was available on PC was it? I know the third one wasn’t and I’m not buying a third console just to match you on your achievement
“a Starfleet officer who is unable to portray smug self-satisfaction”?!?!
I have a feeling there’s an insult to Star Trek in there…
I finished the first one in coop mode with a friend and it was one of the better gaming experiences of my life. A real sense of standing shoulder to shoulder against the hordes of alien scum pouring at us from every angle. And that promo for HALO 2 (“but we had master chief”) was one of the best sci-fi war movies never made…
See, this post just makes me want to play you in something. Anything, really. I’m not above taking the easy win.
I’ve never owed an x-box, but I have played Halo… awesome game. Simply awesome.
Lee – Halo 3 was entirely behind my decision to buy an Xbox 360 – well that and there was a blood bowl game coming out for it too. However as I say, I was burned with the whole red ring of death thing. It really is a great game.
Dad Who Writes – I never played it in Co-op mode, but that’s how Dave and Craig (of walk fame) finished it. I live too far in the sticks to have my friends pop round to game with me:(
Jeff – Whatever it is, you’ll beat me. I even loose at rock paper scissors
Wow, I think I really am the gamer out of all of us.
LOL despite not having played Halo I think I more than make up for it
So… Halo is a game then?
Gotta say this is a great post to start things rolling!
So does this mean I’m not the only one with a shelf of games I’ve never finished?!?
I must admit I’ve sold most of my games now – but I still have lego star wars, batman, and Indiana Jones that I’m determined to finish one day.
I’ve just started cleaning out the PS2 games that I wanted to finish but never will now, simply will never have the time as new stuff is constantly coming out.
SG-3, we should compare notes.
And I mean that in the least offensive way possible.
Halo ís available on the pc. Haven’t finished it but played it for a while. Good in its simplicity and it of course spawned the awsome Red vs Blue (Halo) cartoon.
The first season of RvB was just pure goodness. Hilarious stuff. After that it lost it’s way, I think. I haven’t seen it in a long time though… maybe I should check it out again.
I’ve watched the first 2 seasons and recently got
reminded of it because someone was watching episodes on his mobile.
I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t like current episodes, even if it’s just because I haven’t played anything other than Halo 1.
I’ve heard so much about Red vs Blue, I really should check it out one day despite my lack of Halo knowledge.
Knowledge of Halo is far from important in watching RvB. It’s maybe a little funnier in seeing how they (mis)use the characters, but you don’t miss anything by not knowing that.
Then I shall try and check it out sometime – been busy watching Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoons!
I too am rubbish with tactical games and things that you have to think about.
However, I love these Sims/ Farmville/WeRule games where you grow pretty farms and buy new furniture for the house. Much better that all that dagga-dagga-dagga “Fire in the Hole” stuff that you hairy men play.